Road not Taken

Salam readers

Its rainy outside and here i am write down something my blog in such a cold and empty room. Its been a long time i thought i'm not write anything with full of my heart in this such pretty shy blog. I'm quite busy right now. I have a lot of tasks and meeting and i'm really really desperate in looking for job. my life to become a worker seems to be start soon.

Furthermore, i lost my inspirational blogger. since the blogger got married, she make her blog privately. I really loves how she spread her dreams and life in his lovely diary. pictures that she took, paint that she had sketched, lovely plain english that she used, all of these make me feel so calm everytime i read it in the middle of night. everything seems to be still. but now, she just lost all of sudden. the last entry that i've read when she told that she already become wife for another man.

Now, i'm try to find the other bloggers who have same dreams with me. Unfortunately, it seems hard to find out.

I want to tell something too. maybe after all this entry, I might lost for a some of moment. I don't know but each time i try to lay down my hand on this lappy to write down on something, my moody goes away. I think, i think too much about how to live in this such scarier world ahead and it make my little brain stuck and my tiny heart unable to feel the sense of love, i guess.

Recently, everything seems to be chaos. even i don't know whether i have to back home for hari raya sooner or not. You see, until now, i'm not buy any ticket for me to fly to Sabah after all this semester because i just want to find job, job and job.

I'm upset will my self. really.

I really need some motivational, the inspiration but everyone seems make me so blurring and surely it makes me unable to stay in one way.

What do you think? which road i have to take? the happiness celebrating raya with family or happiness give them money?

I'm not materialistic anyway. but if i go home, i might miss the opportunity to work outside the cowboy town. i might stay there for a long time.

Let me tell you one secret. the truth is, after all this kind of miserable, actually i'm afraid to live independently. i'm afraid i can't afford to live alone and cry like a loner in empty house. can you feel it?

i'm losing my hope. i don't know what i suppose to do. really.

Everytime and everyday, i keep praying for Allah to make me strong to live in this alien place alone. i have family here but it does not change everything. i don't want to bother them and pretend that my life is okay but actually it was not.

I know He will ease everything for me like He ease everything when i've my practical training in other alien place and live alone in small house and unable to sleep tightly every night just because i'm afraid of thief that might come and no one will realize it. after all, i finish my intern safely without bother others except i'm requested my mom for some of money. i hope this will not happen again to me. let my family happy because i'm safe here. let me indemnify for everything that i've own from them - my family.

Please pray for me too. I have a lot of dreams that i've to reached before i'm 25. It have 2 years to go.

Hope, this decision will lead me to find my way, reach my point and make my family happy.

Because, everything i do, i do it for them.

Adios readers, we will me again sooner with different kind of life of story.

Hope it it kind of lovely and happy story.

Au Revoir
26 May 2014
Monday