Loathe

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only person struggle hardly to achieve something better in future. something that can be proud of. something that used to show others that I'm capable to do something.

something. something. something. somewhere.

Yup, I'm heading for Terrified Future. no, I should say Amazing Future. Now, that might sound exciting but, deep in the heart, I'm so scared. really. How would it be? there's so many questions swinging in my head. all are playing and laughing at me who has not start anything yet.

The days crawl so fast.

19, 20, 21, 22, 23.. am I still able to do something?

I should be brave. I should dare to leave. I should able to live alone. I'd done it once and I can make it again. Let the tears be friend, let the praying accompany the night and wash the souls, let the silent night be the peaceful place for me to stay calm. let it be. let it all.

I don't know why I'm still linger around here. perhaps, it is because my family?

Oh dear,
I'm weak. I'm hopeless. I'm lousy.

Am I completely useless? why when we need to hold the sky, we need to let other hands down? why? why?

I loathe you. I loathe you Self.