Monday, December 29, 2014

29 December

Salam readers,

Woww, it's a quite a long time for my hands not lying to write any new entry in this super lovely-duvey blog. You see, I've got a job now and surely actually I do not know exactly what my position are and what are the specific works that I need to do. Its looks like my works are general.

But, I love this job because I learn sooo much. seriously.

I met all people. We went to Tawau before, then Lahad Datu and now here I am in Best Western Hotel, Sandakan. The job is quite tough and really tiring but there is something that uneasily to be explained, something that encourage me to stay even I know there are limitation for me since my boss is a non muslim. He is a Chinese man but I don't know why, from his experiences that he had told me about it, it makes me feel different. I'm starting to say to myself, "Yup Vian, you gonna make your life so sweeeet". 

He asked me to read old books, "Who Moved My Cheese" and "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". I'm gonna read it tonight after I finished this entry. Tomorrow morning, we back to Kota Kinabalu, and my life still have a journey to be conquered. A nervous journey perhaps.

I've changed my blog's song too. The Heaven Way by Yiruma. Is it lovely?

I've nothing much words to say, but I'm really happy right now. Hope this job could bring me far away from the conservative environment and I'm gonna prove to them that I can be 1% people instead of being 99% people those having a narrow minds.

Being work in private sector does not mean you're stupid enough as a degree holder and didn't get any job in government sector. I'll prove, though I'm working hardly I'm still able to give my mom a key.

A Key of House. A Key of Car.

I'm not materialistic anyway but I just want to ensure all the needs are being fulfilled and there's no term of 'not enough money'. I will change my family's life. I will, someday.

And one more thing, my boss asked me to take MBA after 3 years work with him. Woww, I'm gonna take it someday. Fhaviana getting take Master in Business Administration.
InsyaAllah. Just  pray for me okay.

The time is getting old now and its time to read books. Before that, here's the note to the Greatest, My Allah.


Dear My Allah,

I know this is the fate that You had state for me
What I need now is just need to face them all
I need to be brave, patient, and give full commitment and of course be grateful

There is a reason behind everything happen, right my Rabb?
I know there was but I don't know what it is

Your story for me are really surprising
I'm sorry if sometimes I'm questioning, "why"
Because I'm weak ya Allah
I'm useless

Ya Rabb,
I'm really hope this journey not just make me close to You
but my family at the same time
I love them so much
They're the only that I have in this Dunya
and I really hope You may care of them for me

I'm sorry ya Rabb,
I'm sorry.
Please apologize me for every sins that I've done.
I'm sorry


Friday, December 12, 2014

An evening at home

Love. Husband. Married.

Just after I finished my study, this freaking stuffs haunted me very well. My aunt and even my neighbours keep questioning when the day will come.

Do I look like someone who is getting married just after I took a degree?

I'm struggling for 4 years and a half I guess to finish my diploma and degree and sooner be a woman called 'surirumah'?

This is ridiculous.

I admit I need someone instead of my family.
But, I think the time is still not be there for me.
There still have a lot of journey waiting to be explore.
So much dreams still not be realize.

I really wish I could find something that I will remember till die.
Something makes me close to the beautiful nature.

Trees. blue sky. daisies. softly wind. chirping bird.

Oh dear,
How I wish that awesome view and feeling.
I wish I can find that lost beautiful forest.
It will happen someday.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Note to the Greatest

Salam readers,

It's a quite tough day today. I cry all day and it still.
I'm sad.

Seriously I'm afraid to think my journey.
I'm afraid.


Dear Allah,
Please, please look at me.
I don't have anyone to put me in safe.
Your test is quite hard.
I'm sorry.

I shame to myself who has full of sins and try begging something big from You
I feel I'm disguisting
But Allah,
I've no place to go except You.

I'm sorry.