Today, I start posting with the smirk face after I saw I just have 1 entry for this year so far. haha. It has been quiet a long time I'm not here.
I'm busy with my stress life. I'm busy how to handle my messy and no-guide life. I'm busy looking at others life. I'm busy throwing my life into others life. and I'm busy with this life.
I'm busy and I'm tired.
Now, there's nobody here. They were here actually, but still there's no nobody.
This year, perhaps, taught me a lot. alot. I become someone I don't want to be. I become someone who show a lot of self-weakness. oh self, you disappointed yourself.
What makes me feel g-r-e-a-t about this year, I got my driving license. I know maybe some of you said, what the hell she try to expose about, everyone surely have one. but it's definitely special to me those who fail the test for four times. f-o-u-r times. empat kali.
Yes, I failed the test for four times. I cried every week because I took the test every weekend in a month. four times in a month. I cried a lot thinking I'm stupid enough being nervous like hell. I cried thinking how miserable my life fail for simple test. (sigh)
The feeling of failure is something like new to me and I can't accept it except crying over it.
bodoh vian. bebal betul. I kept saying this to myself.
I think I know the feeling of almost give up on everything. you become weak. to make it in a simple word, you become lembik. hati pun lembik. that time you just feel like you just want lying on the bed and sleep. stop thinking about the bad day. sangat lembik. hancur. luluh. pedih. sandik punya perasaan. the tears drop fast like I just get divorce. omaigeee everything bad was happen to me and most of all I'm afraid of fail again. So I gave up.
I gave up and contact my cikgu on how to make what we call as Lesen Terbang and I will take risk of that. After a while, after having deep conversation on how to do that such illegal thing, Allah make me meet with three lovely girls which I thought they just a-seconds friend of mine. They were strangers but I saw determination on them although dorang lulus awal than me. ngeee.
The first person, she was failed for six times and saying to me, "If I can do it, then why you can't?
Second girl, She was a lovely girl which had tudung labuh than me. she is a soft spoken person and so manis. she said to me, "InsyaAllah, ada hikmah, ada sebab. selawat." and I do the selawat in every second during my test.
Finally, third girl, she is a chinese girl who had a tattoo but she was definitely a nice girl to meet. both of us was finally passed after both of us try for four times. haha. she inspires me to go outside and travel as much as I can as she sharing with me her experience travel half of the Eu-country and the middle east too and one of it was Istanbul. I really want to put my foot over there. its okay, one-fine-day.
Its good to see whenever you can't even motivate yourself, He give your strangers so that you can watch and learn and feel what their feeling too. I cried so many times and even questioned Him; why me? but He never let my guard down. He makes me meet unknown people to make me understand everyone has their own test. so just face your own. You will not stick with one problem for the rest of your life as long as you have courage to face it.
Syukran. There's no more words to explain my gratitude to Him.
Aku malu, aku persoalkan ujian Dia.
I feel so ashamed and I even not dare asking for something instead of forgiveness.
Overall, everything happens to me, I know He makes me to create memories which I have to learn from it and use it in ahead as a lesson. Keep faith and that was I suppose to do.
Keep faith on Him and surely He will open a new door for you.
Believe that.
Second girl, She was a lovely girl which had tudung labuh than me. she is a soft spoken person and so manis. she said to me, "InsyaAllah, ada hikmah, ada sebab. selawat." and I do the selawat in every second during my test.
Finally, third girl, she is a chinese girl who had a tattoo but she was definitely a nice girl to meet. both of us was finally passed after both of us try for four times. haha. she inspires me to go outside and travel as much as I can as she sharing with me her experience travel half of the Eu-country and the middle east too and one of it was Istanbul. I really want to put my foot over there. its okay, one-fine-day.
Its good to see whenever you can't even motivate yourself, He give your strangers so that you can watch and learn and feel what their feeling too. I cried so many times and even questioned Him; why me? but He never let my guard down. He makes me meet unknown people to make me understand everyone has their own test. so just face your own. You will not stick with one problem for the rest of your life as long as you have courage to face it.
Syukran. There's no more words to explain my gratitude to Him.
Aku malu, aku persoalkan ujian Dia.
I feel so ashamed and I even not dare asking for something instead of forgiveness.
Overall, everything happens to me, I know He makes me to create memories which I have to learn from it and use it in ahead as a lesson. Keep faith and that was I suppose to do.
Keep faith on Him and surely He will open a new door for you.
Believe that.
