Rain Story

I love rain so much. I don't know why but each time when raining comes, it really soothe me. I love to let the raindrop fall into my hands. It seems like, peace. Yeah, peaceful. I love to be alone wherever its rainy day. Maybe because I'm getting too emotional or its like kinda weird-girl to do.

There's so much beauty in rain.

Yeah, there's a lot and you can't count. It just need to be feel.

Patrichor. Perhaps, do you know about it? It is the smells of the rain. My friends said its actually the smells of the first rain fall into the earth. Maybe it was  but the smells really change you into something. It makes you more grateful. Don't you? As the rain wash the dry land and then sink into the soil, woww, its really refreshing.

I don't know how to describe more about rain because its something that cannot be tell but need to be experience by your own self.

Actually, I'm getting my fasting for today so I'm got alone at office while all my friends out for having their lunch. That's why I can lay down my hand here smoothly.(smile). I really hope rain will come this week because Sabah right now it seems like a desert place and open burning happened everywhere. I try to avoid myself from smokers but unfortunately I smell the terrible smoke around Kota Kinabalu. Seriously, I can't breathe and this is bad.

But, this is life, right? We have to use to it no matter what happen because the earth getting old and old and me as well.

Sigh.

Okay, its time for me to leave. We will have another story sooner and please pray for rain to come.
Please.

Feeling

I did this for several times wherever I feel so down. Its surely help me under calm. But this few days, I feel so lousy as I can't do it again. Maybe the feeling was not there. Maybe I still feel the stress thinking about my life in future. But I really want to do this. Put my hand on the sky and looking at the light of the sun. I really miss that. really.

Friday's Pray

Dear Rabb,

Please take care of dia for me.
I just can pray for dia safety.
Ease everything for what dia do.
and please always put dia in safe.

I'm begging you ya Rabb.
dia is my world.
dia is one of my soul.
dia is my only one.
and dia is my mom.

Auditory Hallucination - Jang Jae In

There are so many hidden things inside of me
It made me change so much
It put me to sleep, it tied my hands and feet
It trapped me in a dark room
The pieces of lost time
The memories of love that I threw away
They have been deleted and thrown away
Only the outer shells remain
Without knowing anything, I just shouted
I just have that memory
My heart that was cold as ice
It will be forgotten after I sleep
I want to escape from this pain that chains me down
Someone wake me up
From my soul that is filled with scars

The deeply colored night sky
Is filled with you, who won’t leave
It wakes me from my sleep
Kissing me again

Your voice that whispered I love you
Your scent, I hear it in my ears every day
Where are you?

You’re hidden in a place where I can’t see you
The pain you received for me
When my anger becomes one
I’ll chase the lost memories from the deep sleep
I want to find the real me that is not you
But the bruises in my heart are too big
I try hiding it but they hide in my heart and wake me up
I met you on the other side of my horrible memories
You embraced even my lost feelings
Helping me get up from being broken
I’m trying not to let go of your hands
I’m trying to erase the nightmares
I’m trying so hard
In this place where I trapped myself

I want to roll up the darkness
And find you
Though I can’t touch you
Or be held by you

What controls me
Isn’t what lives in me
What can heal me isn’t strong medicine
It’s just love
The voice I hear in my ears
Wakes me up from being lost
After it wraps around me and kisses me
It disappears and I can’t see it anymore

The deeply colored night sky
Is filled with you, who won’t leave
It wakes me from my sleep
Kissing me again

Your voice that whispered I love you
Your scent, I hear it in my ears every day
Where are you?

In the night sky that I can’t touch
I see you turning back
Making me escape from the exhausted days
Making it into a picture

I’m sorry, I say as I hold onto you
Don’t go far away, I call out to you
In the sadness that I can’t ever see again
Tears fall again

p.s I really love this story. I really fall in love with that man. oh
dear.  my heart start beating fast whenever I hear that song. oppaa.
This is crazy. Vian is going to crazy.

Wednedsay's Wishful

 

 

At this moment I really wish;

- I'm in my home alone
- Its raining outside
- Sit while watching the view of world through the vintage window
- Listen to Ed Sheraan song, Thinking out loud
- Dressing well like a Cinderella
- Drink a cup of hot chocolate
- Play with my Nikon




Oh dear, I really wish for that now. But here I am in office do the non stop tasks and getting my menstrual cramp. sigh.

Inspiration

I'm waiting for some inspiration to sink in my soul before updating my blog but unfortunately, it seems wouldn't come.

And I just want to wish, Happy Monday people.

29 December

Salam readers,

Woww, it's a quite a long time for my hands not lying to write any new entry in this super lovely-duvey blog. You see, I've got a job now and surely actually I do not know exactly what my position are and what are the specific works that I need to do. Its looks like my works are general.

But, I love this job because I learn sooo much. seriously.

I met all people. We went to Tawau before, then Lahad Datu and now here I am in Best Western Hotel, Sandakan. The job is quite tough and really tiring but there is something that uneasily to be explained, something that encourage me to stay even I know there are limitation for me since my boss is a non muslim. He is a Chinese man but I don't know why, from his experiences that he had told me about it, it makes me feel different. I'm starting to say to myself, "Yup Vian, you gonna make your life so sweeeet". 

He asked me to read old books, "Who Moved My Cheese" and "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". I'm gonna read it tonight after I finished this entry. Tomorrow morning, we back to Kota Kinabalu, and my life still have a journey to be conquered. A nervous journey perhaps.

I've changed my blog's song too. The Heaven Way by Yiruma. Is it lovely?

I've nothing much words to say, but I'm really happy right now. Hope this job could bring me far away from the conservative environment and I'm gonna prove to them that I can be 1% people instead of being 99% people those having a narrow minds.

Being work in private sector does not mean you're stupid enough as a degree holder and didn't get any job in government sector. I'll prove, though I'm working hardly I'm still able to give my mom a key.

A Key of House. A Key of Car.

I'm not materialistic anyway but I just want to ensure all the needs are being fulfilled and there's no term of 'not enough money'. I will change my family's life. I will, someday.

And one more thing, my boss asked me to take MBA after 3 years work with him. Woww, I'm gonna take it someday. Fhaviana getting take Master in Business Administration.
InsyaAllah. Just  pray for me okay.

The time is getting old now and its time to read books. Before that, here's the note to the Greatest, My Allah.


__________________________


Dear My Allah,

I know this is the fate that You had state for me
What I need now is just need to face them all
I need to be brave, patient, and give full commitment and of course be grateful

There is a reason behind everything happen, right my Rabb?
I know there was but I don't know what it is

Your story for me are really surprising
I'm sorry if sometimes I'm questioning, "why"
Because I'm weak ya Allah
I'm useless

Ya Rabb,
I'm really hope this journey not just make me close to You
but my family at the same time
I love them so much
They're the only that I have in this Dunya
and I really hope You may care of them for me
please..

I'm sorry ya Rabb,
I'm sorry.
Please apologize me for every sins that I've done.
I'm sorry

Amin.

An evening at home

Love. Husband. Married.

Just after I finished my study, this freaking stuffs haunted me very well. My aunt and even my neighbours keep questioning when the day will come.

Do I look like someone who is getting married just after I took a degree?

I'm struggling for 4 years and a half I guess to finish my diploma and degree and sooner be a woman called 'surirumah'?

This is ridiculous.

Yup,
I admit I need someone instead of my family.
But, I think the time is still not be there for me.
There still have a lot of journey waiting to be explore.
So much dreams still not be realize.

Now,
I really wish I could find something that I will remember till die.
Something makes me close to the beautiful nature.

Trees. blue sky. daisies. softly wind. chirping bird.

Oh dear,
How I wish that awesome view and feeling.
I wish I can find that lost beautiful forest.
It will happen someday.
:)

Note to the Greatest

Salam readers,

It's a quite tough day today. I cry all day and it still.
I'm sad.

Seriously I'm afraid to think my journey.
I'm afraid.

_______________________________

Dear Allah,
Please, please look at me.
I don't have anyone to put me in safe.
Your test is quite hard.
I'm sorry.

I shame to myself who has full of sins and try begging something big from You
I feel I'm disguisting
But Allah,
I've no place to go except You.

I'm sorry.

Confuse

Hi readers,

I'm currently struggling with patient and contentment. I tend to want everything NOW and I want everything happen exactly as what I've planned.

But I know this is not an easy thing like I thought.

Oh life,
How I want to change the conservative's mind especially the old folks thought?

This is terrible.