Bougainvillea

Bougainvillea.
The name. Yupp the name has many stories. Bougainvillea, an odorless flower, has heart-shaped leaves and covered with thorns. Not all people loves this kind of flower. I loves the name and surely I loves the flower too. Why? because I know her feelings. Only me know about it. :)

Dear Bougainvillea or Bunga Kertas
With the gentle breeze, you glide to me be it summer rain or spring
Innumerable, countless like the blessing from Allah
Thanks for coming to my life
I appreciate it

Half of Sky

Half of Sky is the story about women. Yup, I'm going to talk about women today. I just watch that movie and the story was showed me become women is not easy than what people said. got easy because women do not have much responsibility rather than man. woww, that was a terrible mindset.

The movie storied about why women become the slave of living ghost, why they have price to be sold, and why they are so weak to fight against those ghosts.

There is a child, she is 3 years old. She was raped and her mother doesn't want her anymore and sold her to the brothel. That child even does not know she was being raped and her stupid mother gives her to the dark way. There also a story about a girl lives in the boundary of Thailand. She said that her family does not gives her education just because afraid nobody will willing to marry her. Men are more likely to take those who is illiterate to become their wife because they are loyal until die. Of course they are loyal because they do not know who else they want to depend to except their stupid husband.

After all, all this kind of stories makes me realize that I should be grateful because Allah gives me opportunity to study, to learn and gain experience outside. But me, I just hope I can work as soon as possible and not to face the books all day long. My mind always said money is everything and my mouth said, "money is not everything, money is not everything". Yupp, money is not everything, but everything needs money. see, this is my mind said.

Am I materialistic?

Soon, after my degree, it still have one year, after all these things finish, I'm going to work, save my money and leave this house. My mom, my litter sister and brother will follow my journey. I promise and I'm sorry I still depend with you even my age now is 22. I'm 22 years old. I'm big enough to give my mom money.

Dear my mom,
I miss you so much. My life so empty without you. I'm tired to being "mom". I'm sorry too because while I'm growing and busy, I forget that you become old and need rest. wait for me mom, I'm going make us leave from this terrible world, from the world full of liars.

I'm weak

Salam my readers.

I feel so bad right now. Today I have my third paper exam Accounting Management and guess what I answered it badly. I lost my mind and I forgot all my formula. I forgot all. I have memorize all those things but it is not worth. why? should I suppose to eat kismis? because I feel like I got Alzeimer's disease. My friend said she do it well though she just do a little revision. Of course she can because our IQ are not the same. IQ? maybe I'm so stupid.

Ya Allah, ya Rabbi,
With the full strength that I have,
I pray to You, please let it pass.
I'm afraid I can't do it well again
I don't know what will happen to me soon
Just give me a little calmness in this tidy heart
Just makes me strong ya Allah
Just makes me under control

I know what just happen nowadays actually come from my own fault
I admit it ya Allah
I'm Your servant that full of sins and I'm regret
I'm sorry if I don't know what my fault are
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry because I keep complaining about my life
I'm sorry because I said I'm tired to study
I'm so sorry

I just feel that I'm afraid I couldn't get my dreams
Thats why I didn't have my own dreams to achieve
The only thing that I want is just my family's happiness
My family's happiness
I study because of them
I learn to get a good job just for them
But how I want to get better future if my life in the middle stage are still be like this? still blur.
and yet my life is still in the first chapter.

Dear Rabb,
I know there are reason for anything that comes
and the reason was I'm stupid
I'm weak.