Loathe

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only person struggle hardly to achieve something better in future. something that can be proud of. something that used to show others that I'm capable to do something.

something. something. something. somewhere.

Yup, I'm heading for Terrified Future. no, I should say Amazing Future. Now, that might sound exciting but, deep in the heart, I'm so scared. really. How would it be? there's so many questions swinging in my head. all are playing and laughing at me who has not start anything yet.

The days crawl so fast.

19, 20, 21, 22, 23.. am I still able to do something?

I should be brave. I should dare to leave. I should able to live alone. I'd done it once and I can make it again. Let the tears be friend, let the praying accompany the night and wash the souls, let the silent night be the peaceful place for me to stay calm. let it be. let it all.

I don't know why I'm still linger around here. perhaps, it is because my family?

Oh dear,
I'm weak. I'm hopeless. I'm lousy.

Am I completely useless? why when we need to hold the sky, we need to let other hands down? why? why?

I loathe you. I loathe you Self.

Sabar

Aku berdiam bukan bermaksud aku kalah

Aku membiarkan bukan bermaksud aku pengecut

Aku lepas tangan bukan bermaksud aku tak kuat

aku diam kerna aku tahu tiada guna aku berbalah hanya kerana perkara yang remeh

aku membiarkan kamu menghukumku kerna aku tak suka akan pergaduhan

aku lepas tangan kerna aku tahu perkara itu akan berlalu sekiranya seorang daripada kita berpaling tadah

Aku bukanlah seorang yang penakut atau senang dibuli

buat apa aku teruskan perbalahan yang akhirnya diri sendiri sakit hati

buat apa aku turut dalam perbalahan sedangkan perkara itu cumalah satu gurauan pedas

Hey kamu

jangan ingat aku tak melawan aku senang dibuli

aku biarkan sebab aku tak maw pergaduhan tercetus

dan aku lupakan kerna aku taw kalau aku membalas, aku akan buat lebih dahsyat dari apa kamu lakukan

so, jangan uji tahap kesabaran ku.

jangan sesekali